According to Isaacson, Jobs treated the first woman he loved so badly she scrawled ‘neglect is a form of abuse’ on a wall, then later accused him of having Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Jobs also enraged wife-to-be Laurene Powell by proposing then saying nothing about it for months. Only when she moved out did he buy her a ring….

When dating folk singer Joan Baez in 1982, he told her about a Ralph Lauren dress that would be ‘perfect’ for her. She said: ‘I said to myself, far out, terrific, I’m with one of the world’s richest men and he wants me to his this beautiful dress.’

She said Jobs drove to the shop and said she ought to buy it. When she replied she could not afford it, they left.

It’s a surprise to no one that this 25-year-old model and aspiring singer had ulterior motives in marrying an 85-year-old millionaire, but the extent of the coldness goes ways beyond the old “i only want you cuz you’re rich and you only want me cuz i’m hot” tradition and crosses into territory that reads like an infomercial with an evil bitch for sale:

Not only did she call off the engagement the same day she released the first single off her debut album, and the same day she had a video posted and features on Funny or Die – but she was also cheating on Hugh with Dr. Phils son. Awesome. BUT WAIT – THERE’S MORE…. she was also shopping an interview to take place after she carried out her original break-up plan, which was to leave Hef literally at the alter, in dress and all, while cameras filmed the real-life staged drama.

Crystal Harris secretly planned to ditch the Playboy mogul at the altar in return for a $500,000 media deal, Page Six has learned. Harris was shopping for a big-bucks deal to tell all after she ditched hapless Hef in front of 300 guests at their wedding at the Playboy Mansion on Saturday, to be filmed for a Lifetime TV special.
A source told us, “Crystal wanted to ditch Hef at the altar. Her plan was to walk up the aisle and say she couldn’t go through with it. The wedding was to be filmed for a reality special, and her refusal to marry him would be a sensation.

Wow. Good thing she reconsidered, right? Good thing this heinous harpie had a Grinch moment at the last minute and realized what a horrible thing she was about to do and called off the sham wedding, right? Nah…

She was looking for a tie-in deal of around $500,000 for the exclusive ‘I ditched Hef at the altar’ interview. While there was interest, Crystal didn’t get an offer anywhere near half a million.”

So the only reason she didn’t walk down the aisle in a televised wedding just to tell everyone “jk. lol” was because she didn’t get enough money to do so… Without the cash, she was left with actually marrying the man or calling the whole thing off and picked the only logical choice. Jeeeezus…

Crystal shows off her engagement ring that Hef gave her on Dec. 24, 2010.

At least Playboy is getting publicity out of all this, as “Mrs Crystal Hefner” was set to be on the cover of the next issue, and…well, still is. Unfortunately for Playboy, monthly magazines get printed way in advance of their publication date. So Crystal is on the cover of the July issue as Mrs. Crystal Hefner.

Hugh Hefner tweeted this revision: ”Recent events call for a special sticker on the July cover. Look for it on newsstands.” Playboy subscribers, however, won’t see a sticker on their copies since they have already been mailed out.

Time covers this story, saying “What do guys want? Themselves, apparently.”

Um. “Apparently”? Try “obviously”, ya big dopes. Me with boobs = perf. But Time goes on:

Or at least someone who has an identical sense of humor. According to a study of 331,138 eHarmony male users, the style of humor that men most appreciate from a woman is “sarcastic,” followed by “juvenile”, “geeky” or “raw.” (eHarmony defines those last three as “guy humor.”) While all of these terms are frustratingly vague, we can’t help but feel that they are describing our little brother. And somehow that’s sexy?

Here is the eHarmony info:

JenLove gives us so many gifts, not the least of which is the introduction of “lol” into the printed word:

“Guys hate to spoon — they prefer to fork, lol!”

Let that sink in a little bit… You’ll need a clear mind to take in the next:

“This is embarrassing and personal, but once a month, since I was twelve years old, I go to my favorite jewelry store and try on my dream ring.” She is 31 years old. If this is true, she has made roughly 225 trips to the jewelry store to try on engagement rings. I do not know where to go with this.

…ya…

From the list of 20 Things To Do After A Breakup: “Make out with a stranger (he must be gorgeous or you’ll feel worse).”

Good lookin out on that “must be gorgeous” addendum. sure saved me!

From the list of 10 Things To Do Before A Date: “Spray tan is a must.”

Isn’t this obvious?

From the list of “Strikes,” where if a guy has three, you forget it: “He keeps saying ‘That’s so dumb’ when you’re talking.” Oh … Jennifer Love Hewitt. I’m so sorry that possibly might have happened to you once or twice or I’m assuming you might not have brought it up.

“Remember, your body is a temple, not a 7-Eleven.”

From the list of “What A Man Should Know”: “How to pick a diamond,” and “To always have a coat for you.” A coat for you? Always? He should always have a coat for you? And pick out diamonds? I am beginning to think that Jennifer Love Hewitt and I do not share exactly the same priorities vis-a-vis romantic situations and also who is in charge of choosing and transporting our clothing.

He’s also supposed to throw that jacket in the mud so you can walk over it (im assuming) on your way to the malt shop or picture show.